Strength

I have had a lot of people, both Internet friends and real life friends, comment recently on my strength. Well, I might be strong sometimes, but it's not always easy. And the past two days I've felt like I have almost no strength. If I could melt into the couch, that would be okay with me. But, maybe the strength is still there, just manifesting itself in a different way.

The past two days we have been making plans for our daughter's final resting place. Since she is so small, she doesn't need her own plot and my mom suggested that maybe we can put her with my dad (who died when I was 12, for anyone who may not know my whole life's story). So, on Tuesday she will be placed on top of his casket, in her own tiny casket. The casket comes with a little stuffed bear (a sad thought) that will be with her, and we also decided to add a blanket and a picture of me and my husband, so that she will always know what her parents look like.

Back to strength -- while it feels like I have none anymore, I guess it is there and I just don't know it because it is being used not to help me feel better, but to keep me from actually melting into the couch. I feel like I could collapse at any moment, breaking down into a pile of tears. But, I know I have to be strong. To keep on going so that time can help with this. And while it is not a happy thought, at least it is comforting to know that she will be with my dad, both here on earth and together in heaven.