Finally Something Positive

I need to finally put something good in my blog. I haven't written anything in awhile. I've been sad, depressed, but most of all didn't feel like talking or sharing. It seemed like there was nothing worthwhile to say anyway. Well, today I feel the most positive I've felt in months. Yesterday I went to the doctor for my six-week check-up.

I thought yesterday's appt. would just be a standard six-week post-partum appt. Well, it was and it wasn't. We did all the standard stuff (my uterus and cervix all seem good), but the doctor sat and talked with me for like an hour! She went over all sorts of things, including the preliminary autopsy and pathology reports of the placenta. I found out some new information (on top of all the other things wrong, the cord was hyper coiled which is bad and leads to poor nutrition). And the doctor ordered some preliminary blood work to test for a bunch of clotting and blood disorders so that we'll be able to have the results when we meet with the doctor on the 23rd! Oh, and she talked to the front desk and snuck me in for an ultrasound on the 23rd before my appt. to look at the structure of my uterus!

I feel like I am finally starting to make some headway with what happened. Also, after reading the cause of death on the autopsy report, I feel lucky to have even had her for 27 weeks, because she didn't seem to have a chance. It seems like anything that could go wrong did go wrong with this pregnancy. But I'm hopeful that I'll be able to find something out and have a successful pregnancy down the line.

And, to top it all off, yesterday was a dreary, rainy day in Connecticut, but on my drive back from the doctor's office it started clearing up a little bit. The clouds broke apart and I saw part of a rainbow. I'm taking that as a positive sign that things are looking up and that I'm heading down the right road (both figuratively and literally -- since I ended up at my house). :)

So, I'm not naive enough to think that I'm "all better" now or that I won't have setbacks. But, for now I'm going to enjoy this feeling because it's been a long time coming.