The Nurse Called Today

The nurse from the doctor's office called today. She had to tell me something about my chart, but since she had me on the phone, she told me a few other things, too.

So far, all my blood work is normal. Yes, this is a good thing, I guess. But I was really hoping for something like, "You have this condition, take this pill during pregnancy and both you and the baby will be fine." I still have the appointment with the doctor on Monday to go over everything, but that kind of deflated my bubble some.

Also, the regular doctor we wanted to see will be out of the office. So we'll be seeing a different doctor. We've seen this doctor before, and he's good and knowledgeable, but the last appointment where I saw him was my last appointment before going into the hospital, when things started really turning south. He didn't do anything wrong, but I just have bad memories from seeing him.

Even though nothing has really changed, I feel as though I've had a setback. I'm still trying to be positive for Monday's appointment, but it seems more difficult now. Besides, I've been thinking, it seems sad to me that the appointment I'm most excited about now is the appointment when we review the autopsy and pathology reports. Who would've thought that would be a good thing? But, I feel pretty negative now, like what's the point? It'll probably all be inconclusive or normal anyway.

I need something positive. I should remember that just because the blood work comes back normal, the doctor already mentioned that we can still treat the symptoms that I had with the first pregnancy (the blood clots in the placenta).

I just hope that God blesses us with a healthy baby this next time. I really want to be a mom to a healthy baby. I love Heather (my daughter in heaven), but I want her to have healthy siblings.

Whew, this is tough.